Once again it is time to check in with one of our favorite Weirdos back in the land of Really-It’s-The-Middle-of-October-Get-With-It-Texas-Weather.
Once upon of Tuesday (is it Tuesday? Just Tuesday? Bitches.) we find this Weirdo curled up in an oversized chair with a glass of wine and an elevated heart rate.
It has been a long week. And it is only Tuesday (only fucking Tuesday) and there are four more work days to go and a Sunday that is full of moving.
Our poor little Weirdo’s anxiety level has been at a 7 on a scale of 10 since the week started. They wish They could blame work, and it would be pretty easy to do so, with pregnant teachers going on bed rest, a still missing snake, sick children, and children who decide to throw bigger tantrums than even our own Weirdo threw as a child (and that is saying something). Adding to all of that, They received a call from the chair of their former undergrad department asking if They’d be available for an early dinner on Wednesday, so our Weirdo spent most of the day anxiously awaiting the right time to ask Their Boss Lady if They could leave early to meet up ChairMan while also having a lot of feelings about the sudden reappearance of ChairMan in Their life after nearly a year of silence. And on top of all of that, They were starting to feel heart pangs of sadness because they were missing the company of Their beautiful Weirdo Family.
Needless to say, our Weirdo’s anxiety level was pushing an 8 when They finally started heading home (despite the generosity of Boss Lady and the fun end to Their work day).
To make matters worse, They weren’t even going to Their own home. They were on Their way to the home of Another to house/dog sit for the remainder of the week. And, to be honest, the Weirdo was a little anxious about even that. They were having trouble sleeping in their own bed and always had a harder time falling asleep in a different one (unless it was a bed on Mt. Feels surrounded by Their Weirdo Family). But, here They were, on the way home to a house of Another.
The drive to the House of Another was a bit long but it took the Weirdo through some lovely country and by the time They pulled Their Honda Fit into the garage at the House of Another they were feeling a bit calmer. They threw their phone and wallet into one of Their bags intending to come back for Their bags after the dogs had be let out and feed. So, feeling slightly calmer, and ready to get out of Their work clothes, the Weirdo grabbed the house key and opened the back door with a sigh of BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP fuck. FUCK. The Weird set off the goddamn house alarm. After a moment of panic They remember the Another had text the alarm code to Them so They raced back to Their car and dig through the bag for Their phone, which was at the FUCKING BOTTOM OF THE BAG, but by the time They get to the text with the code the alarm has been sent to the alarm company and probably police (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP). The Weirdo fumbled with Their phone, and then punched in the wrong code (because dyslexia) and then FINALLY on Their third attempt got the damn alarm to shut the fuck up. They called the Another, who didn’t answer, and left a message appraising Them of the situation. After taking a few deep breaths and using every cuss word They could think of, the Weirdo went back to Their care to unload Their stuff and try to settle into the night. In the middle of this the alarm company called. ‘I’m the house sitter’, the Weirdo told them, ‘I forgot the code’.
‘Can you tell us the password’.
‘Ok, Weirdo, we will try to get you verified’.
After dealing with the Alarm People and unpacking Their things the Weirdo set about making Their dinner. They poured a hefty glass of wine, toasted some bread (slathered it with butter), grabbed the pasta from the microwave and settled into the coziest looking chair.
Now, you may think, this is where we began the story so this must be the end (circles!), and that would be the case had the saga not continued after the Weirdo had finished Their dinner.
We now find the Weirdo in Their pajamas (which generally means baggy short, baggy shirt, and no bra). Their wine has been consumed. And so have two cookies. Everything is unpacked. The dishes are soaking in the sink. The dogs are settled in. The Weirdo is a touch calmer. Then the door bell rings. Clearly the police, although our Weirdo does have a split second thinking it might be the world’s most polite house burglar. Nevertheless, They open the door. There stands a Lady Cop and a Dude Cop.
‘Well, you don’t look like your robbing the place’.
‘No sir. Just the house sitter who can’t work the alarm’.
‘Ok, well you the dogs have a nice night’.
Just as the Weirdo was heading back to the oversized chair Their phone rang. It was the Another checking in. After explaining the situation, assuring the Another that everything was fine, and laughing the whole thing off, our Weirdo curled back up in that oversized chair, another glass of wine on the table beside Them, intent on spending the rest of the night catching up on reading and chatting with the Weirdo Family she missed so much.